The Cell Phone & Your Child

Not too long ago texting became an obsession. Instead of calling a friend you’d text them. Instead of putting away a phone when with friends, we’d interrupt conversation to text someone else. Talking was out, and texting was in.

Socially, we have been taught to be respectful to others by: giving eye contact, having conversational grace, listening for inflections in a voice to hear how a person feels, and to pay attention to facial and body gestures. No matter how good we are at this, or how important the conversation is, answering a text takes precedence over being polite. It seams that when the text bell chimes, we drop everything to answer…even our manners. Just as Pavlov’s dog salivated at the sound of a bell, we quickly revert to this rude and addictive behavior when we hear the text chime.

If this is happening to adults, what is happening to children who are inundated with social media, and less and less interpersonal communication skill building opportunities?
 
A child’s brain develops by forming tracks through experiences. These tracks will eventually become the foundation of how your child acts, behaves, and relate to the world. As the brain processes information it is essentially creating a blueprint of who your child will be as an adult.
 
A child learns social interaction by mimicking the behavior of those around them. This includes social cues, facial cues, eye contact, and the ability to verbally express ideas with fluidity. Learning to effectively communicate is how a person develops a since of self. Now think of this…. how often do you put your phone down, stop and give eye contact to your child when they speak to you?

A child that doesn’t learn and practice strong interpersonal skills will not build the foundation needed and may unknowingly demonstrate anti-social behavior to their own detriment.  Perhaps so consumed with text messaging and games that interpersonal interactions essentially feel uncomfortable.
 
It’s very common now to see a group of kids sitting together, with all eyes glued to their phones. Some may be playing games, others texting their friends. No one is talking, or having eye contact with one another. You may think that it’s the teenagers who are only doing this, but this behavior is also very apparent in five and six year olds.

The most obvious example is at restaurants. It is now common to see young children with headphones on, eyes downcast, staring at an iphones, as their parents talk. These children should be learning interpersonal communication skills, picking up dining etiquette, and participating in conversation. Instead they are watching a video that they have probably seen about one hundred times.

So what are the long-term effects of this behavior? According to a 2008 report by the National Leadership Council for Liberal Education and America’s Promise (LEAP) and the Association of American Colleges and Universities (AAC&U):

“Two-thirds, or (63%) of employers found college graduates lacking in the essential “communication skills” to succeed in today’s global economy. As technology takes the place of developing these important skills, kids are growing into adults that do not know how to communicate.  Companies are now switching their primary focus to hiring people with good communication skill-sets over that of experience and education. They know that a great communicator is a leader, and can sell a product, or gain the right account for their companies. If a person cannot communicate effectively they will not be worth employing.”

This is not a statistic to be taken lightly. If employees lack these skills a company will surely fail. If this trend continues, it will completely change how and why a person gets hired, and it will have a devastating effect on our kids when they attempt to make it in the job market with the skills they are developing today.

Creating this foundation now is essential. Changes must be made immediately in order to impart solid interpersonal skills in our children. We cannot stop technology, but we must step away from it occasionally, and reconnect on an interpersonal level.  There needs to be a balance between the development of good interpersonal skills, and using these applications.  To do this, parents must encourage kids to interact with friends in person, engage in sports, drama, or other creative interpersonal expressive activities. Parents should also set the example by making a point of asking for, and giving eye contact when talking.

Make learning these skills fun by engaging as a family in “technology free activities” such as: hiking, bike riding, and camping, so that one remembers that fun can be had without a phone. In the end your child will have a great time, create memories, and gain a greater understanding of others. All of these experiences will create a strong skill-set that will lead to a lifetime of achievement and success.